omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
