the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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