Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
