My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
