just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
