I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
