I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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