When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
