So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Randomize