As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
