Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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