i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
