Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
