White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
