Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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