Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
