we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
