Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
