So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
