Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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