dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
