Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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