Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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