She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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