Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
