I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
