mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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