she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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