i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
