I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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