I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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