I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
