i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
