Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
