Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
