I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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