is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
