Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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