did you get engaged???
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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