but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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