I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize