allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
