Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
