I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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