i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
