I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
