pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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