Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
