Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
