HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
