saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
