that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pooping to opera.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
