I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
