You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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