I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
