I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize