This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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