Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
