She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
