she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
