He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
