Me. At least after what I've been through.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
not ubering you a puppy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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