No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
