he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
