respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
