He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
