yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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