one word: firstdatebathroomanal
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
