i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
