She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
