Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
