I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
