theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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