Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
