Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
