If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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