And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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