he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
