Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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