not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
