At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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