In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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