I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
