Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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