Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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