i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
