Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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