I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
