This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I smell stomach acid.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
