i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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