Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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