Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize