Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The uberlube is also flammable
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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