TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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