You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
