It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
