I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
