she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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