I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
God, I missed his penis.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
